85: How to Know It’s Time to Stop Trying

How does it feel to watch your dreams fade away? It’s never a good feeling, but what if those dreams involve how many children to have or when to walk away and end your journey to conceive a child? Somehow, this dream cuts deeper than other dreams that may go unfulfilled in your life. 

 

Dr. Maria Rothenburger is a fertility therapist and coach who has been through infertility challenges. Her doctoral research focused on post-traumatic growth as opposed to PTSD. Though she still practices as a psychotherapist, her passion has become fertility coaching, as she uses a four-pronged approach for movement toward optimal fertility. 

 

Episode Highlights:

 

  • How she and her husband tried for more than 6 years, going through deep depression, anxiety, and intense marriage struggles
  • Why they decided the process wasn’t worth the pain and decided to be child-free until changing their minds to pursue adoption
  • What post-traumatic growth is and how you can recognize it
  • Why Maria is passionate about growth and uses it in coaching
  • What is involved in the question: Can we have more children?
  • Questions to consider if you are wondering if “this journey needs to end”:
    • Do the negatives of trying to conceive outweigh the positives?
    • Do the positives of stopping outweigh the negatives?
    • Are you “talking the talk” but not “walking the walk”?
    • Do you spend time obsessing about trying to conceive instead of living life?
    • Do you live in a way that isn’t in line with your personality, values, and beliefs?
    • Do you feel resentful of the time and energy it takes to try to conceive?
    • Do you have a loss of creativity and curiosity around family-building options?
    • Do you have a feeling of dread around actually getting pregnant?
  • The judgment around your gratefulness, happiness, and positivity for every single moment
  • The acceptance piece and how it brings a healthy response
  • Recognizing the feelings and making the decision to stop
  • Realizing you can grow your life in other ways if you choose not to grow your family
  • How pain and grief can be the impetus for finding joy and gratefulness
  • Maria’s year-long plan for healing her marriage and finding peace
  • Maria’s advice to listenters: “Letting go does NOT mean giving up”
  • The fear and desperation that works against you in creating fertility
  • How and why we withhold joy and pleasure from ourselves
  • Re-train your brain to grow new neurotransmitters and synapses
  • Final words of hope: “Pay INTENTION about listening to yourself and trusting yourself. You already know what to do next, and you just have to tune into it.”

 

Resources:

 

www.drmariarothenburger.com

 

Find Dr. Maria on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter

 

Pregnancy Brain by Parijat Deshpande

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