Differentiation of Self in Parenthood Featuring Lorna Hecht, MFT

Are you seeking clarity in your role as mom? Today we are talking about the importance of defining self and establishing individuality in parenthood. We will be talking with licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Lorna Hecht who will be sharing her considerable knowledge about how the importance of defining self as a parent leads to healthier parent/child and parent/parent relationships!

What’s In This Episode:

  • Lorna’s career before kids & how is transitioned after having kids
  • What a licensed marriage & family therapist does & why couples reach out to her for guidance
  • How does understanding the family as a system assist in the overall functioning of an individual
  • The importance of reinvesting in self-care
  • How anxiety will become symptomatic in the most vulnerable person in the family system
  • The way the emotional health of the mother impacts the family
  • The tension between the drive for individuality and the allegiance to the group
  • Working out conflict within the family system
  • The impact of birth order on personality development
  • How self-care is different for different people
  • The most important tip Lorna has for moms


About Lorna:

Lorna is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice in San Diego, where she has seen clients regularly for nearly 20 years!  She offers psychotherapy from a family systems perspective as well as training with Neuroptimal Neurofeedback.


Three years ago Lorna completed a post-graduate program at the Bowen Center for the Study of the Family in Washington D.C.  where she engaged further in the study of family theory, and her passion for helping families, couples & individuals navigate challenges and growth.


Additionally, Lorna contributes to a regular blog, newsletter, and consultation group all designed to dive deeper into Bowen therapy.


Lorna is a Mom of 4 adult children, two biological (a son & a daughter) & two stepchildren with her husband who happens to be a psychiatrist! She understands first hand the struggle working Moms face, but also the importance of having a life of her own.

Connect with Lorna:

Website | Facebook | Twitter | It’s the Anxiety, Stupid! Podcast


Bowen Family Systems Theory




“About ten minutes after I was accepted to graduate school I found out I was pregnant.”


“I always have in mind the whole family system.”


“The family is one emotional unit.”


“What is anxiety? It’s more than just a feeling. It’s actually the threat response, the fight or flight response.”


“When children are born they demand a lot of time and energy and of course there is a lot less focus on self because of the reality needs of the infant, but if you’re thinking about a natural perspective, what happens in nature, if mother doesn’t reinvest in self as soon as possible, she’s not going to survive and if she doesn’t survive the young won’t survive so I think that’s a good template to follow.”


“You can’t perhaps reinvent the wheel but you can modify that wheel, you can break cycles.”


“The human is the most resilient, adaptable animal.”


“Every person, no matter where they fall on a spectrum, can do a little better with what they’ve got and that it can make a big difference.”


“I don’t think this starts with conception, it starts way back in the family history -- how did great grandma think about having kids? Was she thrilled? Was it a burden?”


“Mothers are people too.”


“Every human has a biological drive toward individuality. There is a tension between the drive for the self versus the allegiance to the group and the need to be part of the group. Both are necessary for survival.”


“It’s a marker of anxiety when the mother loses focus on self.”


“If mother doesn’t invest in self, she may not live to be a healthy grandma who is contributing in a very important way to the family system.”


“The middle child is often the freest.”


“Most mothers will be able to tell you which child they worried the most or are the most sensitive to.”


“Become a better observer of self or others.”

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