Episode 3: The importance of prioritizing your marriage over kids, with Carrie Sharpe
Carrie is a communication consultant and speaker. She runs “he says she says” with her hubby and homeschools her 5 kids.
Sunit says that the relationship with your partner is such a big part of parenthood. She brings up the article written about Giuliana Rancic’s controversial comment about how putting her marriage first has actually been the best thing she’s ever done. Carrie says she didn’t like that women are laughing about the fact that their husband comes last. She asks “why even get married” if that’s how you would feel. Marriage is a partnership and your husband should be your closest ally in this journey. Carrie says that if you don’t make your marriage a priority, you won’t have a marriage that lasts.
Common reasons why women are not enlisting the hubby’s support in the early days:the first 6-8 weeks goes so fast and is such a blur that if you haven’t planned for it, you are so engrossed in learning how to be a mom, you forget to be a wife. Dads are so insecure about fatherhood because they are not given the opportunity to participate. Giving them the chance to participate fully allows them to make their mistakes and learn, and allows moms time to themselves. Plan to give dads a chance.
Carrie talks about pre-emptively quitting law school to be a stay at home before she even had kids. She talks about Maverick and his health issues and how they ended up public speaking about their struggles.
By the way:Maverick is healthy and happy today despite the fact that drs said he wouldn’t make it and if he did he would be delayed.
Ryan and Carrie serve women, men, and couples, BEFORE there is a problem. They work with couples whose marriage is GOOD but they want to be proactive and prevent issues. They teach better listening skills, better communication, and conflict resolution.
Carrie also works with moms who need help communicating with their teenagers.
Her husband works with dads. Together they work with couples.
Sunit asks about the resources and packages on the their website and if it’s self directed or led by Ryan and Carrie. Carrie says they have various offerings.
Sunit asks what benefit there is in couples invest in themselves before baby comes. Carries says that it will help them not fall apart. Having a vision built up in your mind of what motherhood SHOULD be can throw you off if you’re not well prepared. They talk about all the things that can throw off your marriage once you become parents. Carrie says the divorce rate for couples going through a traumatic birth or child illness is very high. You need to be aligned so you are prepared for all the things that could unexpectedly happen. Communication is the number one thing in relationships. What advice does Carrie have for the woman who says her husband does not like to communicate? Carrie says to have the talk but don’t start it with “we need to talk”. Carries says you should lovingly talk to your partner about your wishes for parenthood. Sit down and talk about it. Women will say “my husband xyz” but 9 times out of 10 women haven’t even talked about it with their husband. Don’t make assumptions.
Sunit brings up the article again and how important it is to place the marriage high on the priority list. It should be first BEFORE your kids. Carrie’s OB told her to have a date night before her 6 week post partum check up. It’s not where you go or what you do its about having time to reconnect without a baby in the mix. “Dad is the most important person in my life, Im the most important person in his life”. Have your bedroom be off limits.
It’s never too early to establish your marriage as the priority. It’s hard but important for you, your marriage and your sanity.
If there any dads listening today-who want to be a good dad and a supportive husband but need some tips to get started-what tips do you have for him? Carrie says be patient and roll with the punches. Hormones and emotions can be tough to deal with. Also, dads should be patient with themselves. It takes time to learn how to be a dad especially when you are working outside the home and don’t have as much time as mom to get acquainted with the baby. Also, schedule date nights-regardless of whether mom says she wants it or not. Just plan it.
Dads play their own role with their kids-you don’t have to be the mom. Each of you have your own role. Sunit asks Carrie for one piece of advice:Start talking to your partner now and keep talking. Talk about expectations, hopes, dreams, fears. Talk every day and accommodate as they change. It’s the only way to make sure conflict is resolved and you are continually evolving.
Sunit asks Carrie to talk about what she has maintained or reconnected with about her SELF. Carrie realized after bringing her business online that she could fulfill her love for having her own businesses while still being a mom who homeschools and runs a business with her hubby.
You can find her at: www.ryancarriesharpe.com (He says She says)
The article they reference at the beginning of the episode: